We use “but” to excuse and justify ourselves and to shift the responsibility somewhere else. The funny thing is that our “buts” don’t convince or sway anyone other than ourselves.

Let’s face it, avoiding responsibility is a tendency we all have; and, as propensity, it can become a habit. Our “buts” prevent us from really listening to others because we’re waiting for the opportunity to show off our “but”. Moreover, our “buts” stop us from finding the very answers we seek because they put us in a position where we pretend to know the answer already. For many of us, our ‘buts” get in our way of success.

In the franchise world our “buts” impede true communication between franchisors and franchisees. Whenever I hear a “but” from franchisees or from a franchisor I know they have stopped listening. At that moment I know they are not ready to learn what I have to share. They are in defensive mode.

“I know I have to call those leads, BUT every time I call I get people who aren’t interested; or, BUT if only you would send me good leads; or, BUT I have to do all of this paperwork instead; and, so on.”

“I know we have to invest in this new program, BUT if franchisees would only follow the system, we wouldn’t be in this pickle; or, BUT we need to sell more franchises first; or, BUT what if the economy doesn’t pick up; and, so on.”

You get the idea.

“Buts” show resistance clearly, yet our immediate reaction when we hear a ‘but’ is to try to convince the other person of their error. Resistance is a push back; and, instead of recognizing it for what it is, we push forward thus creating even more resistance. ‘Buts’ are flags to deeper issues that most of us ignore when we use them and when we hear them.

We use “buts” because we’re suffocated by our own internal dialog; we feel we need a way out and “buts” provide it. What we fail to notice is that the answer is found in a ‘way in’ instead of in a ‘way out.’ Understanding what’s causing us to run away is the key. Is it that we are fearful of failure? Is it that we feel guilty? Is it that we are not meeting our own expectations? Is it that our spouses are putting pressure? Is it that we are distracted by a personal problem? It’s in what’s behind our “buts” that we’ll find the answers and eventually success.

When franchisees are in their “but” posture, it is best to just listen. The more we try to show them that they’re making excuses, the more resistance we’ll find. Acceptance of their state is the first step. It starts the communication process. From this point of understanding we can help franchisees gain awareness which is the only way to create the opening needed to find the underling reasons for the “but”.

Let me see if I understand. You’re saying that the reason you are not making these calls is because every time you do call you find people are not interested. Is this right? Is this your experience all the time?

Then, just listen carefully. Listen for the clues. Listen for what they aren’t saying. Dig deeper with open-ended questions that will help you and the franchisee understand what’s really happening.

We tend to think we know why franchisees are in the “but” posture; and, the truth is that we really don’t know. Everyone is different and it’s our job to seek to understand the person who is in front us at that moment without projecting our past experiences or our own stuff. This is not an easy task, I know. Yet, with practice we’ll see that as we hold these types of frank conversations the “buts” will eventually diminish in frequency to reveal the real causes of the resistance so we can help our franchisees attain the success they seek.

Depending on the franchisee and your relationship with him or her, a more direct approach may be more effective. For example:

“I really want to help you get through this hurdle; when you’re ready to listen how we can do this, let’s talk.”

Such a straight forward approach can shake the franchisee and create an opening for communication to take place; but it can also backfire on you, so it must be used only with the right individual.

Our objective when we hear a “but” is to find a way to help franchisees reflect about what they are saying. In that moment of reflection they will create enough awareness to look into what’s behind the “but”. Remember, they won’t go pass their “buts” unless they feel safe, heard and accepted. So we must find a way to communicate all of this; and, we won’t be very successful if we are just waiting to bring in our own “buts”.  In other words, we need to be ready to accept that we may indeed be the cause of the problem; that we may be the ones who are really wrong. If we are not willing to go there, our franchisees don’t have a chance either.

So, watch for your own “buts”. Learn to recognize them as the gateways they are to your own self-knowledge so you can empower your franchisees to do the same. Eventually you’ll find yourself welcoming and laughing at your “buts” because they will reveal important answers to you and they will lead you to success.

Related posts:

1. Is resistance hindering your franchise success?
2. Are Your Franchisees Suffering from Quantum Leap Syndrome?
3. Franchise Success = Dreams + Beliefs + Readiness